UC文書之教育篇和挑戰篇

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上篇回顧


在前面幾個系列的報道里,我已經向各位同學介紹過美國本科轉學個人陳述的基本題型,長度,寫作內容,字數等信息。不知道各位同學是否還有印象呢?在上兩期的文章中,我也和各位同學分析了UC轉學中四道題目的寫作思路和切入要點。先讓我們一起來回憶一下關于一篇好的UC文書,你需要了解的6個重點信息:

1. 有一篇必答題目的文書

2. 在剩下的7篇文章里選擇3篇進行撰寫

3. 每一篇文章不超過350個單詞

4. 你可以根據自己的興趣進行3個文書題目的選擇,沒有任何規定,但是建議選擇自己感興趣的方向

5. 所有的文書題目在審核的過程中都是平等對待的,并沒有說哪一個題目會更好

6. 對于文書的形式沒有任何的形式規定,這些文書的目的是為了了解你這個人,用你獨一無二的方式進行展示



今天就讓我們再來一起了解一下剩下的幾個文書題目里,又蘊含著哪些乾坤和技巧呢?那么在這篇文章中,我想和各位同學討論接下去的2個文書題目,去分析這些題目咱們應該從哪些方面入手,以及結合真實的學生申請實戰案例來進行點評。所以今天的文章主要涵蓋了以下幾個方面:

  1. UC系統本科轉學文書題目四分析

  2. UC系統本科轉學文書題目五分析

我是來自05論文教育的資深申請規劃顧問Mary老師,目前我已經專注于轉學申請領域超過7年之久,幫助了上百名學生申請到了例如紐約大學,波士頓大學,約翰霍普金斯大學,加利福尼亞大學伯克利分校,洛杉磯分校,華盛頓大學等全美排名靠前的學校。今天,我想就通過一些學生的真實寫作案例,和各位同學一起來分析他們的優缺點在哪里。



題目四分析

首先讓我們來看一下題目:

Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.

讓我來給各位同學總結一下這個題目中的幾個關鍵題眼:

Describe, take advantage of, significant educational opportunity, overcome, educational barrier

首先咱們一起來看一下這個文書最基本的要求是讓我們描述我們如何利用或者通過一個富有影響的教育機會,來達到客服教育壁壘的情況。那么就像我在前幾期文章中談到的內容,何為描述?描述的深層意思就是細節,故事情節,以及具體內容。那么當你在描述一件事情或者是一個東西的時候,除了從顏色外觀等客觀內容進行切入的同時,一定要記得加上自己的感官也就是感受。所以這個題目同樣要求的是我們用具體的事例來進行描述。

接下去讓我們看一下這道題目核心的內容siginificant educational opportunity即富有巨大影響力的教育機會。那么同學們在看到這種定義性的詞組的時候,就要想到去給這個定義進行擴展。對于自己來說,什么機會可以被定義為富有影響力的?而且又是和教育相關的?比如說可以是參加的學校的Honors program,或者是參與了和自己所申請專業非常相關的培訓項目等等。這些都可以作為素材和切入點進行撰寫。

同樣的,在這個題目中還有一個需要定義的地方就是educational barrier即教育學習中的壁壘問題。那么何為壁壘?這一點其實咱們很多中國學生可能并不能有一個深刻的體會,比如說沒有辦法繼續學業,或者說需要貸款上學等等,這些都可以定義為教育壁壘。

那么UC的官網也給出了以下的一些提示給到各位同學:

Things to consider: An educational opportunity can be anything that has added value to your educational experience and better prepared you for college. For example, participation in an honors or academic enrichment program, or enrollment in an academy that’s geared toward an occupation or a major, or taking advanced courses that interest you — just to name a few.?

If you choose to write about educational barriers you’ve faced, how did you overcome or strived to overcome them? What personal characteristics or skills did you call on to overcome this challenge? How did overcoming this barrier help shape who you are today?

概括的來說,咱們可以從以下幾個方面思考:對于你來說什么是富有影響力的教育機會?這個機會對于自己來說有怎樣的影響?這種影響對于自己的性格,以及個人的能力有沒有提升的幫助?這些信息都需要通過具體的事例來進行體現。


題目五分析

首先讓我們來看一下題目:

Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?

讓我來給各位同學總結一下這個題目中的幾個關鍵題眼:

Describe, most significant challenge, steps to overcome, affect academic achievement

首先咱們一起來看一下這個文書最基本的要求是讓我們描述,我們是如何一步步克服一個困難的,以及在這個過程中我們采取的具體的步驟。那么我需要再一次的提醒各位同學,描述的本質是需要有具體的事例來進行支撐,即選定了一個特定的故事之后,需要對于故事的開頭,故事情節等部分進行相應的展開。

這個題目中再一次出現了需要我們下定義和展開的名詞詞組即sinificant challenge,翻譯過來就是自己最艱難的挑戰。所以我們一定要首先定義,什么是自己覺得最富有挑戰的困難。這種困難挑戰不一定要是學業上的,可以是生活中的,身邊碰到的等等。但是最重要的是,你從這個挑戰中學習到了什么,以及采取了怎樣的辦法去進行克服。所以這個題目需要描述的有幾個部分,即什么是你遇到的挑戰,你采取的步驟,以及整個過程對于自己的成長等。

那么UC的官網也給出了以下的一些提示給到各位同學:

Things to consider: A challenge could be personal, or something you have faced in your community or school. Why was the challenge significant to you? This is a good opportunity to talk about any obstacles you’ve faced and what you’ve learned from the experience. Did you have support from someone else or did you handle it alone?

If you’re currently working your way through a challenge, what are you doing now, and does that affect different aspects of your life? For example, ask yourself, “How has my life changed at home, at my school, with my friends, or with my family?”

概括來說,咱們可以從生活中尋找到自己覺得富有難度的挑戰,加以描述,把整個挑戰的定義,開頭,中間故事高潮還有結尾都進行展現。


案例分析

接下去讓我們一起來看幾個實際的寫作案例,對比一下前后的修改內容,來一起分析一下這篇文章應該如何來進行撰寫。


修改前:

When I graduated from junior high school, I was sent to the United States to study due to my father’s work. At that time, I was a kid who didn’t know any English at all. At first, I spent my first year in public school with my father, who was not alone….I had to transfer to a private high school where I was the only Chinese student, and I went to homestay. It meant that I had to face a whole new environment without my family and without friends. I remember on my first day of school, I didn’t understand the school announcements because of the language barrier, and no one would answer me when I tried to ask my classmates. So I spent the next few days in detention every day. I felt ashamed to be held back, so I began to close myself off and did not want to talk to anyone. With her concern, I told her that school life was very depressing for me, that I couldn’t fit in because of my poor English, and that my detentions made me feel even worse. But my mother told me that it was okay, and she helped me to look on the bright side, so that I could at least try to communicate with the students who were in detention. At the same time, my mother called the school and explained my situation, and the school agreed to give me a written copy of the announcement every day after school. This made my detention situation much better. and after a while, I slowly started to try to make friends, even though it was only at school.?

修改后:

Studying in a new country is not an easy thing. Never thought of leaving home country in high school, I did not learn English at that time. I was placed in the language class at a public high school with all Chinese classmates. After one year, I barely improved. I transferred to a private high school where I was the only Chinese student. XXXXXX Living with someone I never knew and studying in a school where I had no friends were depressing. I was first lost at school. Because of misunderstanding, I was given several detentions. I felt embarrassed. Gradually, I began not to talk. My homestay mom noticed this and asked what happened. I told her that school life made me depressed. Although I tried hard to catch up with others, there was little effort. She comforted me. Also, she encouraged me that my English was good and she had no problem understanding my words. After talking to her, I was relieved. XXXXXX, my homestay mother helped me practice both English speaking and listening. For instance, XXXXX. Then, XXXXX. This method helped me learn slang and pop culture. As confidence increased, I started to make friends.. During the second year, I actively participated in school activities. Meanwhile, my grades improved a lot.?


點評:

這位同學的初稿選題很獨特,是講述自己高中階段獨自出國留學的經歷。這個經歷很區別于別的學生,因為不是很多學生會經歷這種轉變。同時,這種經歷對于學生成長性格等都有較大的影響。




總結

經過關于UC轉學本書教育篇和挑戰篇的分析,大家可以充分的體會到,UC的文書一直在強調講故事的重要性。這種講故事的內容,不僅僅是對于細節的描述,同時也是對于自己

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